A Mind's Whispers
by Magical Authoress
Summary: Severus’s unspoken reflection of one of many deaths – though this one is far different, stirring buried memories and bittersweet sorrow. *Warning: OotP spoilers!*


****

Title: A Mind's Whispers

****

Author: Magical Me

****

Summary: Severus's unspoken reflection of one of many deaths – though this one is far different, stirring buried memories and bittersweet sorrow. 

****

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is the property of the brilliant JK Rowling – everything else is mine.

****

A/N: I had been toying around with the idea of writing a ficlet regarding Sirius's death, as I (along with a great many others) was sorely troubled and saddened by the loss. Regardless of such, I trust Ms. Rowling enough to realize that this is a step in plot development and is essential to the series – may Merlin deem that inevitable. 

And so, I present this – Severus's thoughts of another death…but not just any death. The death of a man who was always foe, and yet ambivalence is silently striking its chords.

Inspired by Strega Brava.

__

In loving memory of Sirius Black.

~

My mind is whispering.

__

He's dead.

A childhood fantasy, to be sure – almost a _triumph._

I dare not speak that aloud. Merlin knows our young Potter would have my head.

However, Black's death troubles me greatly. Had it occurred during my adolescence, I would be quite jovial and strutting the castle halls pompously.

But this is not so – I am now a man of much age…not quite to the Headmaster's standard, but enough to have gained adequate maturity and wisdom. Ah, maturity – something Black lacked terribly. 

Forgive me. I mustn't speak ill of the dead. Yet…I am hesitant. He was my enemy.

Wasn't he?

Certainly. He was the very bane of my existence – the single thread of disillusionment of my student life. 

His sneers echo in my head.

__

Snivellus, he snarls. _You damn greasy git! What's the matter with you – didn't put enough oil in your hair this morning? I pity those roommates of yours…even if they are Slytherins. I couldn't imagine having to breathe in that nasty stench while you were sleeping. _He snickers. _Then again, I could think of many things to do to you when you're having a lie down. Isn't that right, James?_

Then Potter looks at me with those icy blue eyes of his and snorts derisively. _Really, Sirius – isn't Snivellus far too unworthy of our time? _

Black shrugs. _Sure. But don't you want a bit of fun first?_

I can almost feel Pettigrew bouncing up and down in delight – a fool if there ever was one.

__

Let's go, Lupin adds hastily as he eyes Professor Waddlesworth from afar. 

Then Black's eyes narrow. _We haven't had the last of you yet, Snivellus. I'd watch it if I were you. _His eyes flicker in the direction of Lily Evans. _Guardian angels aren't always available. _He turns to the Marauders. _Come._

As always, repulsively portentous.

You see, Black? You would call me a fool, but which one of us is still alive and breathing?

And yet…

…What I wouldn't give to be in your place.

Envy, you say? Certainly. For once I am envious of Black – though not because he is a ladies' man, the epitome of 'bad boy', or any other such characteristics one would deem palpably significant – but rather because he has reached the ultimate before I have.

Death.

I'd learned at an early age that I was not worthy of life itself, so I had sulked my arse over to Voldemort and given myself to be at his beck and call. 

If I could not serve myself, why not another?

As he'd said to me, _Young Severus, there is no such thing as good and evil – only power and those too weak to seek it._

I _had _sought, damn it! But there is no such thing. Man is overtly selfish – work for yourself and trust no one.

I smirk.

How perfectly _Slytherin _of me. 

Still – the man is dead. Only those who knew the foul bit of truth bearing his innocence grieve this night. 

I shall feign ignorance and become one of those who knew naught.

And again, my mind whispers.

****

~

A/N: Short, I know. I rather like it that way…don't have to worry about updating and such. Anyway, I had to get that out of my system. I'd like to thank Jasmine for the love and support (plus offers of coffee and flowers…never to go unnoticed), Thomas for unraveling Snape's psyche with me, Missy and Jessi for encouraging this idea, Craig and Sierra – I'm ever grateful for your undying conviction in me, and my usual reviewers.


End file.
